Awareness of My Own Sin

Some time ago I started reading Confessions of St Augustine.  I could not believe how he went on and on about an apple he stole from a tree as a teenager.  In the grand scheme of things and compared to my own sins I thought it was a bit much.  I mean come on! It was just an apple for crying out loud!  I stopped reading it because I thought it was just a bit too over-pious.  I was an idiot.

St. Augustine truly knew what it meant to grieve the Holy Spirit.  His spirit was so aligned with God's Spirit that the sin type was irrelevant.  I see gray and shades of gray.  God only sees black and white.  In other words, sin is sin.  St.  Augustine knew the condition of his heart when he sinned and he was appalled by the blackness of it.  Yes it was only stealing an apple.  But he truly understood that whether it is stealing an apple or lusting after a woman to whom you are not married, in God's eyes, there is no difference.  I have come to understand how much my own sin grieves the Holy Spirit and when I do I am appalled and sickened and in grief.  My spirit is no where near aligned with God's Spirit as was St. Augustine's.  He was appalled by his own heart from the theft of an apple.  Oh how I wish that the smallest sin in my eyes, could bring me that level of sorrow!  How much more have I sinned and how much more should I be grieving?!

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