Profound and Sometimes Preposterous Ponderings of Pete

I see her face I hear her voice. The tears I  am shedding are hot. I am sorry I sent you out that night. I am sorry I was not there to stop you. I am sorry I did not take your place in front of that car. I did not and could not protect you. Now I have to wat to see you again. Will I see you as a little girl? Will you see me as the broken old man I have  become? I do not know. I will spend eternity with you but not until my eternity here is spent. Until that time, a million tears must fall.

The 18th is 2 days away and I am starting to feel it.  It is weird how a 2 week period each year can cause odd emotions to spring forth.  Rachael was hit June 18th 2008. It has been 8 years.  She died on the street that day and they revived her.  Sort of.  Her brain was gone.  We then spent the next 2 weeks on a roller coaster of is she alive or did she die.  Toughest 2 weeks of my life.  Praise God he carried us through it.  Praise God, Eric and Jodi Van Rhee walked with us as well. Her death caused an explosion in our lives that initiated a series of events that ripped through and tore our family apart.  It remains apart still.  A half a year later, I almost died from meningitis that has left me disabled. So the 18th is back again. Father's Day is on the 19th. It still brings tears.  My birthday is on the 25th and the actual death day is July 2.  Her birthday was July 26.   The grief is not as sharp but it is still there and it hangs over me this time of year.  I find myself a

My 2nd gingette is getting married, Her dear old dad is getting harried. What is a daddy supposed to do, When giving away his Bekah do. A good thingthat he likes the guy, who is the apple of her eye. Even though a US Marine, his Godly heart is easily seen. So while a daddy loses one, In the end he gets a son. Bekah and Nick you are a pair, And while I think it is unfair, Your dad will be here in his rocking chair, Waiting for grandbabies with locks of red, diapers changed and tummies fed, My songs will send them into sleep, Yours and their souls God will keep. And when I die and leave this place My Bekah and Nick will dwell in grace.

I just clicked on one of those Walmart photos things that Facebook sometimes post links.  I thought it would give me a nice laugh.  Instead, it made me quite sad.  Some of the photos you could tell were taken on Halloween but most of them were what people chose to wear and how they presented themselves.  There was no humor.  Not even disgust. although some could be classified as such.  No I felt a deep sadness that these people had such a low opinion of themselves that they would go out in public looking like they should be committed to a mental institution.  Maybe, they feel that they are so unworthy to be part of society that they separate themselves by appearing as outlandish, in their minds, as possible.  I don't know.  I just felt really sorry for them.  Not embarrassed for them, not ashamed for them, just grieving for them. You see, at a point in my life, before I was redeemed by Christ, I too, was extremely lonely, full of self hatred, and low self worth.  My outlet was s

Gifts of the Spirit and fruit of the Spirit.  Is there a difference? You betcha!  Let's see how God explains them. 1 Corinthians 12 English Standard Version (ESV) Now concerning spiritual gifts, brothers, I do not want you to be uninformed. 2 You know that when you were pagans you were led astray to mute idols, however you were led. 3 Therefore I want you to understand that no one speaking in the Spirit of God ever says “Jesus is accursed!” and no one can say “Jesus is Lord” except in the Holy Spirit. 4 Now there are varieties of gifts, but the same Spirit; 5 and there are varieties of service, but the same Lord; 6 and there are varieties of activities, but it is the same God who empowers them all in everyone. 7 To each is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good. 8 For to one is given through the Spirit the utterance of wisdom, and to another the utterance of knowledge according to the same Spirit, 9 to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of he