Reflections, Revelation, and Resolution

So it is 2016.  2015 was a whirlwind.  We were blessed with a trip to the Philippines, our business went up very high and then down very low.  God has continued to show us, me in particular, that he is in control.  Unfortunately, I too am a member of "stiff-necked" generation.  I keep wanting to have control.  I am not patient and my faith is not even the size of mustard seed.  God still loves me.  I never ever question his abilities.  Never. Can He do it? Absolutely!  Will He do it?  No clue.  Jesus says in Matt 21 that if I have faith whatever I ask for in prayer I will receive.  In James I am warned about asking for the wrong things. So what I can logically conclude is that even if I ask for the right things I will not receive them because I have no faith.  This is a dilemma.  So what do I do? Ask God what to ask for? Seems circular.  "Father God, I know you know what I need and apparently I have no clue.  Your word tells me that you already know what I need so please tell me what to ask you for that you already know but I do not. Because you told me I need to ask."  See what I mean?  So it leaves me no choice but to be confused.  The last time I fasted for 4 days and the time before that I fasted for 5 days.  Silence is what I got. Either that or I missed it.  I am not so prideful to think that I would not have missed it.  So I keep resting in faith, facing the trials, and trying very hard not to worry or panic. For some this is easy. For me it is one of my crosses to bear.  God has said over and over again not to worry, not to be afraid, and not to be anxious.  I know the verses very well.  When I hear preaching on them I am left feeling convicted, and in some ways hopeless.  There are things in my life that I cannot in any way control or resolve.  Some are due to circumstances beyond my control and some are because of my own stupid mistakes.  So here is what I have been doing lately.  Those things that are impossible for me to resolve, if they were my mistakes, I ask for forgiveness, mercy, and help.  If there are consequences that God will leave me to face, so be it.  If they were due to circumstances and events beyond my control, then it was part of His plan anyway. With either case, I realize I will NEVER be able to fix it. NEVER. So again I ask for mercy and help, and sometimes forgiveness for worrying and panicking.  While this seems like a big Duh, and yes all of you could have told me that, it isn't for me.  It is a peaceful revelation. Yes, revelation.  Being a Christian for over 25 years, yes I do deserve the duh. Be careful though.  This may not be your burden but I guarantee you that there are burdens you have that do not bother me.  So, I still have to often remind myself of this revelation, but I am sleeping better.  So my only 2016 resolution, is to continue this mindset. Continue to seek God, and pray that this will become habit and not effort. Perhaps my faith will increase or solidify so much that I will know what to ask for, when to ask for it, and hear the answer.  Happy New Year every one!

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